Eli, raging against the machine that is his parents

This weekend was not what I had hoped. No hikes, no real relaxation (yes, a nap yesterday, but only because I felt lousy), no real break from the hard times with the kids. To his credit, Brian has been supportive, though I think prior to today he thought I was exaggerating things slightly when it came to the kids, their lack of sharing, loud whining/screaming and just general chaos that has become my life. But today, he got to experience what happens when the kids can't share. Both boys ended up in tears, and though I tried to stay out of the room and see whether Brian would keep Braedy off of Eli's floor puzzle, all four of us ended up getting into it just to keep the darn puzzle from falling apart. And, it turns out, that episode was nothing.

Instead, later, Brian got to witness the wrath that is Eli firsthand. Honestly, something must have snapped when Eli turned four because he is out of control. And, I'm sure this comes as a great surprise, but I don't do well with out of control people, let alone feeling out of control with my life or parenting. Eli has started to throw himself into a rage (really, a full-out, temper-ridden, screaming, frothing, spitting, angry tantrum) whenever he's asked to either do something he doesn't want to do or asked to do something by himself. It used to be, we'd get the whiny, "But I'll be lonely." Now, it's "NO! I don't want to go alone!" and then he screams all the way to whatever the heck it is he wanted in the first place. Or, God forbid we should tell him to do something mundane like put on his shoes, and it's "No! You can't make me!". Now, I'm all in favor of choices, but there are times (like say, when Eli wants something that's in the house and we're all already outside) when Eli just needs to buck up and do things he's told to do, on his own. Though we brainstormed ideas on what Eli could do besides scream and literally lose all control after his rage episode, I'm not convinced they'll work. I certainly hope they do, because the kid actually scares me when he freaks out. Minutes later, he'll be normal, laughing and act as though nothing happened. My Wisconsin friends used to be so good at forgetting whatever episode their kids had just caused, and wow, I could really use some of that ability right now. Instead, I have a long memory and try as I might, when Eli acts sweet, all I can think of is when he's going to snap again.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids, and honestly, I agree with my dad: (paraphrasing) only parents who care get frustrated. But, frustrated I am. Though I'm certain this is a phase, I'm nearly dreading being alone with my kids this week. But, as always, tomorrow is another day, I'll find ways to keep busy, and hopefully a LONG nap will improve Eli's temper. We shall see.